Where I’ve Been
12 Jul 2011 Leave a Comment
You may be wondering where Esther’s gone to. Well, it’s a little too close to the vest right now, but we left our church community of twelve years, and it’s been a big blow. It’s been seven months since we left, but it was such a difficult parting that there are all sorts of heart-ramifications that go along with it, and as I don’t have the benefit of hindsight yet, I’m still in “sucker-punch” mode.
I appreciate your patience with my holding pattern. Love to you all. The harem continues.
The Happy King and His Commendation
24 Aug 2010 3 Comments
in going deeper, our identity, prophetic visions
This past Monday when I was singing at Resting Place House of Prayer, I had a vision which greatly impacted me. In fact, it filled me with joy that I hadn’t really known in a long time.
We were singing spontaneously for quite a while, concerning God’s holiness and His throne room. My friend Christi was singing powerfully and with a lot of gusto about His holiness, when in the Spirit I saw in the center of the room, between the stage and the seats, God on His throne. He was robed in the richest, heaviest robe you could imagine. It was pure, pure white and encrusted with pearls and embroidered with gold. He had a huge crown on his head, gold, inlaid so incredibly minutely with pearls that it looked like it was made of pearl. He was the embodiment of joy in Himself. I could tell that He didn’t need anything to make Him happy; He was Happiness. So self-contained; He showed Himself to be undoubtedly and absolutely the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, and there was no mistaking that there is no other God but Him. His holiness and majesty were really tangible. More
The Simple Gospel
15 Aug 2010 Leave a Comment
in 2010, going deeper, sharing jesus
Brennan Manning brings it all back home: the whole point of life is to be with Jesus–the author of love and compassion. I want to live this more and more.
Our Inalienable Rights in Jesus
06 Aug 2010 1 Comment
in 2010, going deeper, sharing jesus
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men…
These words were crafted by Thomas Jefferson in 1776 at the dawn of a new experiment: a society of people who had “rights”. They were not rights that the State granted; they were rights given by God that no man could take away. This was a different paradigm than most people had at that time–that maybe the “trickle down” effect would endow them with a crust from the table of those that possessed the ability to help them in their plights.
I was worshiping one Sunday thinking about a sentiment we hear all the time in the Church these days. It goes something like this: “We poor, unworthy worms; we have no rights; we have no right to ask anything from You, Lord. So, if you feel like maybe someday looking my way, but only if it would serve some bigger eternal purpose, just maybe you might grant X prayer.” I began to come to God in that posture, but all of a sudden I thought of the parable of the tax collector and the Pharisee at the Temple. More
Vision of the Cloud
03 Aug 2010 Leave a Comment
in 2010, going deeper, our identity, prophetic visions
Originally posted May 10, 2010
A very awkward drawing of this vision. 
I had a vision at the house of prayer on Monday, May 10. It went a little something like this.
I was looking over the room, and people were worshiping rather quietly, heavily, when in through the back windows came a thick mist or cloud, that hovered close to the ceiling. To the people who were in a place in their hearts to receive what the Lord was saying to them, these funnels came down from the cloud, like little tornadoes. There were lightning and thunder all through the cloud above. The tornadoes did several things. More
Vision of the Banquet
03 Aug 2010 Leave a Comment
in going deeper, our identity, prophetic visions
Vision of the Banquet, May 17, 2010
Last night at the house of prayer, I saw a vision that impacted me in a powerful way. The intercessory team had felt that God wanted to impart joy. As worship leader for the evening, I had also chosen songs that dealt with our identity in Christ as the Bride. This vision took place before the worship set started, as we were “soaking”, and the prayer leader, Ali, was prophesying about our sonship, over very soft music. He was seeing images of us as God’s children getting messy in a happy feast.
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I’m the Lover of God’s Soul
02 Aug 2010 Leave a Comment
Wow, that’s audacious. But it’s true. Here is a simple truth for your day: that God receives our love.
This is one of the most profound truths that has been revealed to me over the past two years. I mean, think of it. God commands us to love Him. We know that. But in my years of walking as a Christian, my concept of loving God was something I did badly all the time, and so to be safe, I’d better not ever say “I love you” to God. I could say “Thank You”, “I worship You”, “You are good”, etc. But to actually say “I love You” seemed like the highest hypocrisy.This changed in a huge way when I went to IHOP in 2008. I learned that God counted my love as real, even though it was, of course, weak. The Shulammite woman in Song of Songs puts forth this truth metaphorically when she says: “I am dark, but lovely.” It’s not talking about skin color, but about her exposure to hardship and the fact that the King loves her even though she’s rough around the edges. Since meeting Jesus, I had always had this longing to be very close to him, to love him, but felt so conflicted about it. Learning that he saw me, and my love, as “lovely” was life-changing. It’s the way a bridegroom feels about his bride. By the time the wedding comes, we hopefully know a great deal about our new spouse’s flaws. But that doesn’t stop us from beaming as we near each other at the altar. And we know, in a good scenario, that with our spouses that we can say “I love you” at the end of the hardest day, and it is received as true even if it is flawed.
Still, though, there was a disconnect in my love for God. I could say I loved Him. I could profess it freely now. But what it felt like was throwing a pebble in the ocean; my little offering might get to Him someday, but I didn’t stand much of a chance of it actually touching His heart. I was still nervous before Him until very recently. I am currently undergoing a pretty significant trial and was having trouble making heads or tails of it. But then I heard a fantastic teaching called “Walk In the Spirit” by Mike Bickle. (You can now get all of his teachings, notes, etc. free on http://www.mikebickle.org.) The most profound thing I took away from it was a pretty basic one–that the Holy Spirit lives on the inside of my being. (I know, I know, that is a completely foundational truth that even kids know. But sometimes it takes a while to really sink in.) And it occurred to me, that if He is really that close, then my offering of love really doesn’t have to go that far. It’s deposited in the Person of God as soon (or sooner than) it leaves my heart, mind and spirit. It’s instant. I love, He receives it. Just like that.
The other truth that is releasing my heart to love God is: the Incarnation. God. Became. A. Man. A person–with feelings, thoughts, dreams. Just because He didn’t have a sinful nature doesn’t mean that He was incapable of emotion. “He was tempted in every way, just as we are.” God showed His vulnerability. He didn’t just become vulnerable. The Incarnation showed how much Jesus was willing to risk, not just to show us how much He loved us, but to gain a kingdom of lovers. God has a heart that wants to be loved. He, the One Who truly has everything and needs nothing, wants our love.
That must mean that He like, likes us or something. I’m not just saying that as a “feel good” measure. No, I am speaking biblically, 100%. Jesus said in John that the Father loves us like the Father loves Jesus. That sounds pretty complete to me. I think the Father delights in Jesus, a little bit. When David says in Psalm 16 that “at [God's] right hand are pleasures forevermore”, it gives me the sneaking suspicion that they’re kinda happy over there at the throne. Jesus wants us “with Him where He is”. That means right in the center of His happiness, His pleasure, His closeness with the Father. Now that the Father sees us through the lens of Christ’s righteousness, we are really, truly, His delight. And what better feeling for a Father than to have His kids running around, happy instead of disgruntled, telling Him they love Him? And what better feeling for a Bridegroom than to have His bride say, freely and without self-consciousness, that she really loves Him?
I truly have come to believe that everything God wants from us is something that He has initiated Himself. When He tells us that we shall love Him with all our heart, soul, mind and strength, it’s because He loves us with all of His heart, soul, mind and strength. “We love because He first loved us.” That means that He puts forth the quality of that love by His own example. He is “the Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God; slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness.” And that’s a pretty safe person to entrust with our love
St. Teresa and the Love of God
02 Aug 2010 Leave a Comment
I’m reading a book called “The Fire Within”, which is about St. Teresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross and their prayer lives. It fits with what God is doing in my heart right now. I feel God’s reality, love and presence like I may never have felt before. I don’t know when I’ve ever felt this clear and open confidence in the Lord. In reading about Teresa, I feel I recognize her as such a kindred spirit–feisty but so keenly aware of God’s mercy and great love; intolerant of B.S. but knowing she has been forgiven much. I hope these quotes bless you and kindle within you more and more love of God.
“It seemed my soul wanted to leave my body because it didn’t fit there nor could it wait for so great a good. The impulse was so extreme I couldn’t help myself, and it was, in my opinion, different from precious impulses; nor did my soul know what had happened, nor what it wanted, so stirred up was it. Although I was seated, I tried to lean against the wall because my natural power was completely gone…The glory of this rapture was extraordinary. I remained for the rest of Pentecost so stupefied and stunned I didn’t know what to do with myself, or how I had the capacity for so great a favor and gift. I neither heard nor saw, so to speak, but experienced wonderful interior joy. I noted from that day the greatest improvement in myself brought about by a more sublime love of God and much stronger virtues.”
“…This time the Lord desired that I see the vision in the following way: the angel was not large but small; he was very beautiful, and his face was so aflame that he seemed to be one of those very sublime angels that appear to be all afire. They must belong to those they call the cherubim, for they didn’t tell me their names. But I see clearly that in heaven there is so much difference between some angels and others and between these latter and still others that i wouldn’t know how to explain it. I saw in his hands a large golden dart and at the end of the iron tip there appeared to be a little fire. It seemed to me this angel plunged the dart several times into my heart and that it reached deep within me. When he drew it out, I thought he was carrying off with him the deepest part of me; and he left me all on fire with great love of God.”
Illustrated Genesis by R. Crumb
02 Aug 2010 Leave a Comment
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=113802982&ps=cprs
A Worthy Saying Regarding Enemies
02 Aug 2010 Leave a Comment
Originally posted Sept 21, 2008
For those of you who aren’t familiar with her, I encourage you to subscribe to the podcast or listen on the radio to “Speaking of Faith” with host Krista Tippet. The following quote was part of a very intriguing episode on prayer. I was incredibly humbled by this one. It’s by one of the “Desert Fathers”.
“If a man wants God to hear his prayer quickly, then before he prays for anything else, even his own soul, when he stands and stretches out his hands towards God, he must pray with all his heart for his enemies. Through this action, God will hear everything that he asks.” Abba Zeno
Thank you, Abba Zeno. Touché. I’ll be holding onto this meditation for a while.
